About the Writer, Jan Heller


	His Word and Mine

About the Writer, Jan Heller

As a certified lay speaker, I write and deliver sermons. I also write a monthly prayer column for my church's bulletin. Each year, I lead either a Bible study class or some other Christian study in my church.

My passion for The LORD was first ignited during a church youth group retreat. As classmates shared their beliefs, I realized that no two were identical. This inspired me to develop my own personal relationship with God. So I read the Bible a few times to learn more about who he was.

I began having spiritual doubts when I realized the man I married was emotionally and physically abusive. I broke away from him and divorced. Wanting to know that God supported me in my divorce, I reread the Bible for scripture that might condone it. Finding no such scripture, I concluded God didn't want me.

After years of moral but godless living, thoughts of suicide became increasingly prevalent. One night I vowed that it would be the last time I would cry myself to sleep and that tomorrow would be the last time to awaken in dread. I raged with anger that night—the first real emotion I'd felt in years. I was angry that my divorce—though it saved my life—was a sin and angry that suicide was a sin, even though my life was unbearable. I hated God's rules; they seemed arbitrary.

That was my first talk with God in years. I berated his rules and him for punishing so many people centuries before he gave them the Ten Commandments. I continued until my rage broke into prayer, pleading for proof of God's love and of Jesus' existence. And, then and there, because it had become completely useless, I offered my life to Christ provided that he still lived and wanted it.

Proof came. I saw him and felt his presence. Christ then began repairing my broken spirit. He filled my empty heart with his love. He assured me he would be my personal life coach. Hope for a more interesting life was dawning.

I immediately returned to church and signed up for a Bible study that taught about the Bible's authors, what motivated them to write, and who their audience was. The Word began making more sense and the Creator's love and forgiveness became apparent throughout the Old and New Testaments.

God's punishment in the Old Testament still puzzled me, however. After much prayer, I finally understood that the universe is his first Bible. We humans just didn't pick up on that, and many of us still don't. God provides life-teaching metaphors in nature. From the beginning, God, who created this vast universe specifically for us, has been reaching for us. In the early days he punished us for not reaching back.

The purpose of this site is not to get you to believe as I do, but to inspire you to prayerfully explore and build on your own beliefs. After all, our beliefs construct our relationship with God. When we stop exploring, that relationship stagnates. Just as in all relationships, we need to keep it growing by exploring his interests and who he is. He then rewards us with citizenship in his kingdom, which abounds in love, peace, joy, and hope.

Welcome to His Word and Mine.

Blessings and peace,

Jan Heller